THE NECESSITY AND VALUE OF THE EGO

I have found the Ego to be a principal agent in the journey toward wholeness. This assumption is contrary to systems of spiritual growth which would have people deny or transcend the Ego. In my experience persons with a strong, vigorous - but not egocentric – Ego do far better spiritually and emotionally.

The Ego is the primary agent of choice. It is stronger than any other part of the psyche except the Center. Because the Center will never force its presence on other aspects of the psyche, the Ego is the dominant dimension of the psyche in terms of determining the course of one’s life. Although there may be other agencies of choice within the psyche, they cannot equal the strength of the Ego. (There are some exceptions to this, but they are rare and complex.)

The journey cannot begin unless the Ego is willing. Above all else, it must be willing to know the truth. For awareness to expand so that reality can be touched, the Ego has to choose to go through the discipline of rigorous honesty so that the processes of distortion can be released.

At every step in the course of the journey the Ego always has new choices to make. Old realities have to be constantly released and new realities embraced. This process requires a strong, flexible Ego.

Another very important fact about the Ego is that it stands at the point of contact between the psyche and the External World. The psyche has one primary goal - to express the divine fire of the Center into the world at large, and thus bring into the world the fullest expression of its potential. Only the Ego can do that. It must step into the world courageously and let the energies from the Center flow through it into the External World, no matter what the cost.

As the Ego’s commitment to truth gradually draws it beyond the conventional distortions embedded in society, it will be moved to challenge those distortions. A strong Ego is radical, skeptical, and determined to live authentically.

As the principal agent of the journey, custodian of divine fire, and prophetic truth speaker, the Ego is a powerful, essential vehicle for personal and social transformation.

Despite its importance, the healthy Ego is always a willing servant of the Center and nothing more. It brings the flowing, creative life of the Center into concrete expression within external reality. In itself, the Ego makes nothing new. As a servant of the Center it can be a channel for all kinds of newness to come into the world. The Center is ever refreshed, ever new, ever a step beyond whatever was before.

Caring about others, about the world, and about all of life is another hallmark of a strong Ego. This is very different from what most people in our culture would consider to be a strong Ego. Usually when people say someone has a strong Ego, they are talking about a controlling, egocentric person. That is not a strong Ego, it is a rigid Ego. It is an Ego wearing thick character armor. Such an Ego will crack or break far sooner than will an Ego which seeks to control nobody and only wants to live in wholeness and truth.

People with strongly egocentric Egos will not even begin the journey. They see the world as something to be conquered and controlled. If they have become good at this, they are getting what they want. Most of them feel profoundly empty inside, but they are able to block their awareness of that emptiness most of the time. They do not know how empty they feel except when it breaks through in moments of weakness. For the most part they perceive themselves as successful, as does the rest of the world.

The egocentric Ego stands in the way of the journey. Usually when great spiritual teachers speak of “letting go” or “getting rid of your Ego,” what they are really talking about is transcending one s egocentricity.

Egocentricity is the attitude of a person who perceives the Ego with both its conscious and unconscious (or automatic) functions either to be the sum total of psychological reality or at least the most important part of the psyche. Anyone who accepts that attitude will be detached from the Center because they deny its existence or significance.

Ultimately, these people progressively limit their awareness in order to remain comfortable in their static emptiness. Despite their desire to control everything, they are controlled by their attachments, fears and/or anger, and rigidity. Egocentricity is the antithesis of the journey and, therefore, of sanity. It is not meanness, anger, hate, lust, or the various fun vices that finally block the journey. Egocentricity is what ultimately locks a person out of the Center.

The egocentric Ego is primarily defined by five dysfunctional processes: (a) selective avoidance of awareness, (b) attachments or detachment, (c) rigidity, (d) passivity or aggression, and (e) unwillingness to accept what is and make the required adjustments. All of these are attempts by the Ego to minimize painful emotions and/or block the expression of rejected aspects of the psyche through various forms of control.

The issue of the selective avoidance of awareness - the altering of one’s perception of reality to conform to the Ego’s needs - will be dealt with in depth in another chapter. However, I will summarize it here. The selective avoidance of awareness centers around the theme, “I’d rather not know.” It can involve the avoidance of conceptual truths, affective (emotional) truths, or somatic (bodily) truths. Whenever a person decides that she does not want to know something of personal consequence, she has surrendered herself to illusion and to all those internal forces that would enslave her to purposes other than the embrace and celebration of her True Self.

The problem of attachments or detachment is the second of the egocentric dysfunctions. Briefly stated, attachment means continuing to hold on when the time has come for letting go. Attachments are simply an attempt to achieve fulfillment and meaning through the possession of whatever is valued, be it an object, a person, or a belief. People can be attached to anything imaginable.

The antithesis of living in attachment is living in detachment. Detachment is the attempt to avoid bonding or connection. It is used to escape the emotional turmoil that inevitably ensues when an individual is deeply involved in life. If a person lived in a state of detachment, she would not be addicted to anything, but she would not be fully alive either. Although detachment is celebrated by many schools of thought, both Eastern and Western, the real solution is to live passionately, but without clinging or grasping. Willingly letting go, and feeling the grief that comes with the release of those things that must pass, is the necessary precondition for being open to the fullness of life’s gifts.

The third dysfunction, rigidity, is most clearly seen in those individuals who are constrained and narrow, and marked by a predictable sameness. Typically, they have dissociated major aspects of themselves and permit expression of only a very few of their gifts. Their rigidity is often precipitated by a felt need to avoid risk or by identification with important others as a way of achieving safety and acceptance. It is an unwillingness to move with the flow of life internally and/or externally. Rigidity can be thought of as a subtle form of attachment - attachment to the status quo or to various levels of self-definition. A person who suffers from this ego dysfunction tends to perceive herself and the universe as composed of isolated, discrete, fixed entities. She has no sense of the fundamental oneness of reality nor of its flowing, ever-changing character.

Naming oneself is the primary way in which most people fall prey to rigidity. Self-definition is a two-edged sword. On the one hand, it can be a vehicle for self-knowledge. Having a clear and accurate sense of her own unique nature helps the person identify her true gifts, enabling her to make the most of her potential. On the other hand, if the self-definition has an absolute quality or is too literal, it will detach the individual from the flowing, mysterious quality of her Center.

Additionally, naming oneself is sometimes necessary for the sake of social interaction. However, taking the name or title too seriously or confusing it with one’s True Self is a subtle, seductive, and very destructive form of rigidity.

Once a person has become seriously invested in the status quo, or in some self-definition, the preservation of it becomes very important. The anticipated loss of it strongly motivates the Ego to exercise as much control as possible so as not to lose that which is perceived to be essential to its self.

Another example of rigidity is seen in those people who are commonly celebrated and admired for having strong characters. Their character armor is extremely thick. Such people are highly predictable and extremely reliable. They are as solid as a rock and just as inflexible. They are masters of control. The ego-healthy alternative to rigidity is fundamental flexibility (i.e., an attitude of surrender) based on trust in one’s Center.

Patterns of passivity or aggression are additional components of egocentric distortion. Both involve control issues. These patterns are expressions of the fight or flight response, which is the fundamental protective response of humans (and all other animals) to danger. This protective response, which at the emotional level is fear or anger, becomes dysfunctional when, instead of merely being an appropriate response to threat, it is used by the individual as the major source of energy out of which she lives.

Some people move into passivity because life is perceived as a threat and they are afraid of being hurt. They may go to great lengths in their attempts to avoid pain.. When an Ego chooses passivity, it allows itself to be shaped by the External World with little or no resistance. It cowers and hides, never doing much, for fear of being exposed and possibly attacked. Again, this is a control issue. Those who choose passivity control the flow of life so that intrusive, threatening influences are kept at bay.

Other people become aggressive. They often enjoy the feeling of power their anger gives them, and they will energetically attempt to force the External World to conform to their intentions.

The final major aspect of egocentricity is non-acceptance. Non-acceptance is driven by an Ego which clings to its idea of what should be instead of embracing what is and working with it to achieve the greatest good possible. Non-acceptance can be motivated by the highest of ideals. A well intentioned person may attempt to put into practice what seems to be a very life giving plan of action for all concerned. After it fails, instead of appraising the situation and making necessary adjustments, he simply redoubles his efforts. He strives to impose his intentions on the resistant environment in an escalating battle for control.

A strong Ego, on the other hand, is defined by the following primary ego strengths: (a) a fervent commitment to truth which necessarily entails courage and patience, (b) passionate preferences, (c) fundamental flexibility, (d) living at risk assertively, and (e) accepting, working with, and ultimately trusting what is. These express the Ego’s trust in life itself. They can be conceived of as the polar opposites of the corresponding ego weaknesses. The issue of truth is fundamental to healing growth and spiritual development. Radical commitment to truth no matter what the cost is the essential foundation for a fully expressed life. The need for honesty, courage, and patience echoes throughout the entire book because true healing is impossible without these.

When a person lives with passionate preferences she enjoys, but does not try to possess, that which is valued. It is the embrace of delight, affection and pleasure with minimal clinging, jealousy, or envy. She is unabashedly, but gently, hedonistic.

Fundamental flexibility means accepting without hesitance that one is a mystery beyond any label or definition, and being willing to live out all the facets of that mystery as fully as possible. It is not only refusing to label oneself, but finally admitting that one cannot fully know one’s own true nature. Life then becomes an ongoing surprise and gift. When allowed, the Center emerges in various unpredictable ways that must simply be trusted. If a person does not accept the existence of the Center, her only alternative is to adopt the most useful label, role, pattern, or idea available and identify with it.

The healthy counterpart to passivity or aggression is to live a life in which pain is accepted as part and parcel of the human condition. A person with a healthy Ego continually lives at risk. She knows that she can tolerate the inevitable loss or pain of life because she has handled it before. She trusts in the strength and guidance that flows from her Center. Those individuals who are grounded in this perception are able to live vigorously and assertively. They embrace life, assuming that they have something valuable to give. They offer their gifts repeatedly, as powerfully as they can, without resorting to aggression or control. These people feel that they are emerging from a source or ground that is truly wonderful.

Those who doubt their own value, or perceive the world to be meaningless, have no solid basis for embracing life. Ecstasy and passion, which are the celebrative counterpoints to passivity and aggression, are seen by such people as escapist interludes, rather than the hallmarks of a centered life which they truly are.

Living in acceptance requires that an Ego actually believe that its models and perceived needs may not accord with reality. If what I think I must have, or how the world should be doesn’t work, I embrace that reality as a further gift of truth and try to rejoice in it. Lasting meaning and joy are found only in an intimate connection with that which is. Although immediate reality may appear chaotic, reality seems in the overall scheme of things to express at its depth the same overall purposeful wisdom that human beings can experience within their own depths. Together, the four ego strengths feed a never—ending cycle of growth toward wholeness.

A person who lives out of her Center lives in profound trust that the Center is far wiser than she, and will protect her best interests if she cooperates. Admittedly, this is a risky task because cooperation with the Center means cooperation with a process. The Center is not a static entity that can be defined or controlled. It keeps moving, never allowing the person to rest for long, and never granting certitude, because the Center itself is finally unknowable. The individual will never be able to predict outcomes with any certainty when the Center beckons her to take action. It is a life lived at risk, in profound trust. Both Buddhism and Christianity emphasize that to begin the journey, trust is essential. Without radical trust it is impossible to avoid attempting to control life, and thus the trap of egocentricity.

The comfort the Ego knows when living out of the Center is not like the comfort most people seek. It is a deep serenity that quietly watches as many of the things the Ego prizes are being stripped away. It is a serenity that continues underneath pain and grief. It is based on the willingness to totally let go of all the things that one has believed necessary or that have been defined as part of oneself. It is the serenity that comes from accepting the possibility of being stripped naked before the world without any social status. The disciples were told by Jesus that they were to go without staff, without knapsack, without an extra pair of sandals. The rich young man was told to sell everything he had and give the money to the poor. The Buddha was a prince who left his palace to find enlightenment.

There has been in Christianity almost from the beginning, and within Judaism before that, the belief that she who is blessed by God will be blessed in every way. That is not true. Experience indicates that this often does not happen. The good, more frequently than not, suffer.

The Beatitudes, which are a celebration of the person who has given up egocentricity, state that one will receive blessings; however, these blessings have nothing to do with what egocentric people define as blessings. This is not meant to imply that people with strong, healthy Egos are indifferent to the good things and pleasures of life. They gladly and passionately embrace them as long as the pleasures are consistent with their values. Their lack of attachments does not mean that they float above physical reality in some kind of ethereal, spiritual realm. They are earthy people who thoroughly enjoy life, but they hold life’s gifts with an open hand. They embrace whatever is there. When it is completed, they are ready to embrace the next gift. Because possessing is not important to them, they usually experience more beauty, variety, and pleasure in life than do wealthy, egocentric people who are trapped by their attachments.

The Ego is the channel through which the Center transforms the world. It is also the connection through which the External World stimulates, enlivens, and pleasures the psyche with its gifts. A strong Ego and a flourishing psyche go hand in hand.