WHY BOTHER MEDITATING

It feels odd to write on a topic that so many others have addressed so well. Yet here I am offering my own perspective, as much for myself as for you who may be reading this.

In my essay, “Living Well in Two Dimensions”, I made the point that life is fullest, most intense and joyful in the present moment. It seems obvious to me that immersion in immediate experience through our body’s emotions and sensual potential is a powerful vehicle for being a part of the “now” moment. Yet, as powerful and meaningful as the physical connection to reality can be, there is another more powerful path to connection that opens the door to a far broader and deeper reality than can ever be known through the senses and emotions.

This is the path that opens the door to consciousness itself and the ecstasy of unitive experience. I realize that this sounds a bit esoteric and abstract, but those who have experienced it, find it to be the most transformative, freeing experience they have ever known. A surprisingly large number of people have had at least one such experience. One study I am aware of from the 1980’s found that in a general sample of American adults, approximately one third remembered at least one experience in which the boundaries between self, other and creation dissolved and they felt connected to a source of universal and unlimited love. Some said that their lives were changed forever by the experience. Others simply went on with their lives, but never forgot it. In my essay, “What is Enlightenment?” I describe one such experience in detail. What these experiences point out and what mystics of all religions and ages report is that there is a potential within the human mind to transcend our sense of being lonely, disconnected entities in what often feels to be an alien, hostile universe. They affirm that the meaning, joy and gratitude we feel when we experience a moment of profound connection with another person, or nature, or beloved pet is a minor manifestation of what is available to us when we learn to be fully in the moment and free of the artificial wall created by the Ego we assume ourselves to be.

Meditation can be used for many purposes such as relaxation, physical healing, internal self-exploration, and tapping into intuitive wisdom. At its most profound, however, it is simply a way of being as fully in the moment and as deeply real as possible. It is a systematic way of moving away from the time bound dramas of our lives, which we live on the stage of the horizontal plane. It also releases us from the illusory construct of Ego with its assumptions about the way things are internally and externally. Both Ego and the life dramas that reinforce it seem absolutely real to almost everyone, until one takes the time to really observe what is going on. All that is required for seeing how things truly are is an unwavering commitment to the truth and the willingness to accept the discipline of daily reflection. This is heart of meditation. Its ultimate and deepest purpose is to know and become one with what is. Nothing more. Nor could anyone ever hope for anything better.

Everything participates in being, which is God, who is in essence consciousness. This is not something I would care to try to prove syllogistically. It is rather the consensus of those who over the ages have experienced consciousness deeply. This level of experience is accomplished by being aware, by opening our minds as fully as possible, so that our experience of what is within us and around us might be as complete as possible.

Embodied awareness through our emotions and sensations is part of this. The more we give these things our attention, the richer and deeper they become. Paying attention brings enormous dividends. No one wants to look at a beautiful vista through smudged lenses or listen to music with clogged ears. Truly paying attention so that one can be genuinely present to the vibrant bounty of life is a special skill that must be practiced in order to be mastered. The practice of paying attention internally, through meditation, helps us learn to pay better attention externally and simultaneously opens the way to directly experiencing consciousness or God.

Just as there are many purposes for meditating, there are innumerable methods as well. The method I recommend for those who do not already have a meditation practice involves focusing on the breath. It takes no special skill and is available anytime and any place. Simply be aware of your breath entering and leaving your nostrils, or alternatively be aware of the rising and falling of your abdomen. Do nothing to modify or control the breath. Only be aware. Nothing more is required aside from a comfortably erect posture so that you do not fall asleep. This keeps attention grounded in the present moment. It also serves as a kind of home base so that when the mind wanders, as it will inevitably, it offers a place to return. Focusing on the breath gives the mind just enough to do to help it not become lost in distractions, daydreams, etc. which will be a major part of all, but the most adept meditator’s experience.

The good news is that the distractions, mind chatter, and preoccupations that emerge when we quiet ourselves in a meditation session are themselves a gift. First and most obviously they give us a glimpse into the background mental noise and themes that we are often unaware of, but which may play an important role in how we live our lives. I may have unacknowledged feelings or attitudes toward partner or job or any myriad of things that are affecting the quality of my life which I need to be aware of in order to take appropriate action. I may also be putting considerable emotional energy into not being aware of grief, guilt, shame, fear or anger which in the quiet of meditation may finally start to emerge and even move toward resolution through the meditative process.

The unwavering commitment to truth, which lies at the heart of any hope for a meaningful life, is the key for turning these distracting mental contents into transformative gifts. Even though the ultimate goal of meditation is a clear, undistorted connection to consciousness itself, pushing away or attempting to control these distractions will only lead to a more rigid Ego and make meditation a chore rather than a time of liberation. Truth demands that I allow myself to know without distortion what is within myself. This means that even though I may not like or want to admit that whatever mental content emerges is actually a part of me, I don’t resist or push it away. I don’t argue with it nor do I judge myself for it being there. I may be a committed loving husband who finds himself having sexual fantasies about a co-worker, or a pacifist dedicated to nonviolence who catches himself imagining revenge scenarios. Whatever the content, I admit to myself that it is there and a part of me. I refrain from judgment since everything within us has its reasons and our ultimate truth is the divine out of which we emerge. Consequently, there is no need to push it away or fight with it, nor is there any benefit from indulging it or identifying with it in the sense of deciding that this content is “who I really am.”

The same can be said for more positive distractions or mental contents. Celebrations of the self such as generous, kind or even heroic mental scenarios also define and limit us. Perhaps not as obviously or severely as the more negative or unkind imaginings, but nevertheless they reflect only a part of ourselves. When I identify with or cling to these. I reinforce an artificial self constructed according to an ego ideal. These images also need to be acknowledged as a part of ego and then released without judgment as I return my attention to my breathing. As I become more and more transparent to pure consciousness or God, I cannot predict whatever it is that I might evolve into. Nor can I control its manifestation. Any attempt to do so by imposing categories of right and wrong and thus choosing one and rejecting the other is merely another reiteration of who I think I am or ought to be. This attempt to create an imagined self is the antithesis of the ultimate goal of meditation, which is the direct experience of consciousness or God. Out of this experience will blossom whatever of me is most real and generative.

Aside from this ultimate liberation, meditation brings us many gifts along the way. The first and most obvious is that it gives us a break from the often-frenetic pace of our lives. I take comfort from the permission it gives me to just sit and do nothing, but experience my breathing and drink in some silence. My body settles. Stress levels drop. I feel refreshed afterwards. I am more alert, creative and flexible in response to challenges. A twenty to thirty minute session of meditation in the midst of demanding schedule is a delight that allows me to return to my tasks with more to give and with a better attitude as well. A short nap will accomplish much the same thing at the physical and emotional level, but it does not offer any of the other significant benefits meditation can bring.

A second, ancillary gift of meditation is that the way I have described for dealing with distractions is also an excellent way of being in life. In meditation you are encouraged not to judge your mental contents, neither cling to them nor push them away. The corollary of this is that by returning your attention to your breathing and ultimately to consciousness or God, the very best that you can be will emerge although it will inevitably be more and other than what you can imagine. This is also the best way to live our lives externally. First we must be willing to do our best to see things in the world as they really are. This can only be done effectively when we set aside our mental agendas, cease cheering for one side or the other and realize that whatever is happening in society is a reflection of the human nature that we all share. Even when we decide to do this, we need to know that there is a vast difference between what we perceive and what is. Just as in meditation we know that the ego our distractions reflects back to us is a mental invention that falls far short of the authentic self that only emerges spontaneously from the depth and has always been with us. Similarly, what we assume to be the world is a distorted and fragmentary approximation of the wondrous mystery that flows out of the same numinous being or consciousness in which our authentic selves are grounded and which meditation seeks to free.

This attitude, both in meditation practice and in life at large is sometimes called “choiceless awareness”. At first glance it appears to be passive and ineffectual. How can being aware without judgment make any constructive difference in life? Internally, in meditation, however, it makes a very big difference. As a therapist for many years I have consistently observed that apparently pathological contents when held without judgment, by a client, over time lose their potency. I have seen it in my clients and I have seen it happen in myself. Shame, anger, grief and all the rest fade when acknowledged with an open hand. Eventually, they will spontaneously devolve into their most basic constituents, which finally are different aspects of love for self, life, the body, the senses, etc. Attempts to block pathological contents rigidify and energizes them. What we resist, persists. Identifying with them also energizes them and drives them to more extreme levels.

The same process is operative socially. When I judge or categorize another whom I consider to be an adversary, I am likely to rigidify and energize whatever pattern it is that I find offensive. If I can approach the other without judgment simply wanting to be aware of what is true within that other an opening is created. My attitude of genuine willingness to know who the other is is very hard to resist and usually leads to self disclosure and connection. I am not liable to be able to do this with external adversaries until I have learned to practice it with the internal adversaries that emerge in meditation practice.

The healing power unleashed by choiceless awareness is almost self evident when you think about it, and a source of great encouragement. Neither I nor the world are dependent upon my plans and efforts in order for the fullest potential to come to fruition. Internally and externally there is a deep source that readily manifests itself when I take a receptive stance and forego the felt need to control. This is not to say that the control oriented mentality is itself wrong or bad. It is sometimes necessary for survival. But it should always be in the service of the open, receptive heart that is developed and exercised in meditation.

Many of the distracting contents of meditation and everyday life do not carry the same charge as those we feel compelled to cling to or push away. They are more like background noise. Internally they take the form of daydreams, inner dialogs, plans and memories. Externally they are usually composed of idle chatter, artificial environmental stimuli such TV, radio, Ipods, billboards etc., and the busyness of our lives. In meditation practice the daydreams and inner dialogs can absorb us for minutes at a time until we realize what is happening and return to our breathing. In outer life these kinds of distractions can engage our attention for hours at a time before we appreciate how disconnected we’ve become from our senses, emotions and selves. At which point we then have the opportunity to take a deep breath and reclaim the present moment with whatever real feelings and sensations are available to us.

Eventually, our awareness, which in the beginning of meditation practice was absorbed by the day dreams and dialogs will become less of a participant and more of an observer of the process. The contents will continue to arise, but they become more like leaves floating down a stream. Awareness is now sitting on the bank, no longer in the stream. Gently, it allows everything simply to pass by. At this point awareness begins to become free enough to begin merging with consciousness itself. This happens, not by fighting the distractions, but by allowing them to flow on and gently returning attention to the breath.

Even for the beginner there are brief moments of clarity in between the distractions. In those moments there is only awareness. When I appreciate that even as a beginner I can briefly touch pure awareness, I know then that it is a real possibility, which with time and patience can grow.

In the external world a parallel process can evolve. The more often a person takes a moment to be sensitive to body and feelings, the awareness of the body with its emotions and sensations will begin to become that person’s fundamental grounding perception. Out of this will come a dynamic integration into immediate life experience with the energy and delight of a truly vital life.

Meditation, as I understand it, is far from an escape from life. It is a path to embrace creation and its source as fully as possible. And it is so simple to do.

I recommend Stephen Levine’s book, “A Gradual Awakening”, for those who would wish to pursue these themes in greater depth.

LIVING WELL IN TWO DIMENSIONS

LIVING WELL IN TWO DIMENSIONS


Where is God? Is there a God? Does it matter?
Do I have a soul? What is “soul?” What difference does it make?
What am I supposed to do with this life? Is there any “supposed to” to begin with? How can anyone know?
Am I having fun yet? Is there any other reason to be here? Why bother if it hurts too much?

For those of us who are no longer comforted with the certitudes of creeds and doctrines and authoritative traditions these are hard questions that may be unanswerable, but at least for some of us are too big to be ignored.

Long ago I gave up being a believer. I promised myself then that the only authority I would ever trust again regarding the deep issues of life was my own experience. I think I have found a way to keep that promise and at the same time find some personally satisfying answers for these fundamental questions.

The most basic thing I’ve noticed is that we all live our lives in two distinct dimensions, each with its own particular perspective, values, purposes and corollaries. For me, horizontal and vertical best describe them. The dimension most familiar to us is the horizontal. It is the stage upon which we act out our lives. It is here that we struggle for survival and control. In this dimension we are embedded in temporality. Past and future constantly absorb our attention. Through regret, remorse, grief and sweet recollection we are tugged at by the past. And then the future pulls on us through the agency of our hopes, fears and intended goals.

In this temporal existence, driven as we are by the ongoing struggle to gratify our needs and desires, our lives are filled with striving and drama rather than the flowing freedom of the spontaneous dance we celebrate in young children.

The vertical dimension is quite different. On the horizontal plane we are rooted in time and continually seeking to keep events and ourselves under control. In the vertical neither time nor control are relevant. The vertical is pure existence that can only be in the present moment. Preoccupation with past and future, a hallmark of the horizontal dimension, is an excursion into mental constructs or virtual realities rather than actual, present experiences. The vertical is the timeless domain of the eternal now. It is known only in the moment of immediate experience.

On the stage of the horizontal I am preoccupied with myself as the main actor in the drama in which I am entangled, ever hoping for a successful outcome or despairing because it seems unreachable.

In the flow of the vertical I lose myself as I become absorbed in the delight or pathos of simple, undiluted connection. There is no main actor. There is no drama. I am simply caught up in my experience. In this dimension, awareness, emotion and sensation are the leading energies and thought is their servant. Plotting a strategy to increase one’s wealth would be a clear-cut example of horizontal life. Making love whole-heartedly with tender abandon would be living in the vertical at high level.

A meditation a client shared with me offers a beautiful, evocative expression of the experience of the vertical dimension and its spiritual significance. This was her experience:

I’m climbing down a tunnel holding onto vines and clusters of grapes. As I climb down I’m eating the grapes. They are really large black grapes with a wonderful smell and taste. At the bottom there is rich, soft grass, a bench, a table and trees all around. On the table is a beautiful glass urn with a silver top and a spout. It contains an extraordinary wine made from the grapes. My senses are really heightened. Everything is quite intense. I can smell the trees, grasses and flowers. It’s almost a sacred thing, so special.

I’m thinking of the New Testament story about the wine Jesus made from water at the wedding feast at Canaan. This is something especially created for me. It’s a celebration and a sacred event. I feel very touched. It has a strong emotional impact. I am walking, goblet in hand, to the top of a hill overlooking a beautiful valley. There is a sense of drinking in my life. I am rejoining or joining to my life. The thought of marriage is with me. I turn and see an arbor. I see myself in a wedding party. There are people all around me. They are very happy. We are celebrating a marriage with my spirit, with my depth. My bridegroom doesn’t really have a form. This is something very powerful. I am surrendering to my divinity. I am accepting it again and holding it close to myself. My wish is to be genuinely happy in my life, rooted in this wedding to the divine - this infinite source of my spirit. All my yearnings are rooted in that. It’s what I’m always trying to come back and find.

I’m back in the arbor with these joyful beings. It’s a very happy celebration. I’m drinking the wine now, feeling it going down my throat into my body. Something feels different. My body reacts to it. It wants to meld with it, soak it up. It’s a loving energy that moves through me like a liquid. It has a rich and very sensuous sense to it. By drinking the wine I am interacting with the divine. It is a sweet wine. Drinking this sacred liquid has a significant impact on my consciousness. The message here is not complicated. I hear, “Be with me. Find a way to be with me every day. I can bring you peace and help you let go of a lot of things that burden you unnecessarily.”

Notice the sensuous quality of the experience. Connecting with the divine comes through the body and the senses. Pleasure and beauty drew her in and connected her so that the light of the divine could shine through her.

In the vertical dimension the qualities that drive the dramas of the horizontal are worse than irrelevant. Seeking success, status, power, recognition or wealth only distracts a person from the richness of the moment. If I put too much energy into seeking to be master of my universe, I risk losing the only world that is alive and real, the world of my heart, the world right in front of me which is always inviting me to bond with it through empathic connection.

In contrast to the stage, which is my symbol of the horizontal, my symbol for the vertical is light. It is the light that shines in our lives and in our eyes when we are embedded in the sensuous embrace of pleasurable and beautiful experience such as my client was in her meditation. In my mind it is a surging, complex, multicolored light full of beauty and warmth. This is not a reflected light emanating from an external source, but a glowing presence that wells up from the depth of everything that is real. The more complex and evolved the reality is, the brighter and more alluring its light becomes. Fantasies, memories and anticipated futures can only reflect the light. Their power to warm and illumine is far less than any immediate, real experience that I am willing to fully embrace.

It would not be accurate to say that the light or the vertical dimension has a function. Function implies purpose and goal setting, which are in the domain of the horizontal. The vertical is simply the “real” and the “real” is just what is. Nevertheless it is far from inconsequential.

We are conditioned to assume that the attainment of our goals is what matters most. It isn’t. When you stop and think about it, what matters most is that whatever it is you may have achieved be meaningful or satisfying. Obviously there is always some satisfaction in getting what I want, but what truly matters is that I enjoy it. It is here that the horizontal must give way to the vertical. I may win my lover’s hand in marriage, but what is really important is that we enjoy each other’s company in the reality of our day-to-day interactions. If it is to have any point, I must be able to delight in the light and warmth I experience flowing out of the other in every moment we encounter each other. What’s the use of anything unless I am impacted at the experiential level by its beauty, goodness or truth?

Another word for the light is “being,” or existence. Philosophers have long taught that the principal attributes of being are oneness, beauty, goodness and truth. Primitive theologies think of God as one thing among many. Bigger, better, more powerful, but still a distinct other. Tillich, Aquinas, and all the most sophisticated teachings of the great eastern spiritual traditions acknowledge that God is “being” itself. If this is true, what it means is that the question whether God exists or not is a moot point since the answer is both yes and no and so what. “So what” because it is of small consequence merely to know that God is the single reality of being and that being (or the light, or the vertical dimension) is where one encounters beauty, goodness and truth. If one is living primarily on the horizontal plane invested in control and drama and largely disconnected from immediate experience then being (i.e. the real) or God are mere concepts and bring nothing significant to such a person’s life.

From my point of view it is entirely appropriate to say that God does not exist. After all, existence itself cannot be another thing that exists. The qualities of goodness and beauty that emerge as we embrace our present moment experiences are obviously inherent in ourselves and the things with which we connect. God as existence is known in the embrace of beings. Connection, touching and being touched by life, is a powerful path to Ultimate Reality.

The final and most profound path to God lies in the expansion of awareness so that my consciousness and universal consciousness merge. This is taking the verticle dimension to its greatest depth and will be discussed in upcoming posts, Why Bother Meditating, and What is Enlightenment?

The fundamental question of dogmatic religion is, “Do you believe?” As I see it that is hardly relevant. Far more important is the question, “How deeply do you drink of life?” Experiencing the vertical dimension is about celebration and passion. It’s about immersion in being with a keen appreciation for the limits of our mental constructs. It is a sensual embrace of existence, of God, unencumbered by any need to espouse right beliefs or practices.

A long time ago I was taught that my purpose in life was to please God in this world and be happy with Him in the next. Most spiritual traditions espouse some version of that value. What this assumption does is that it turns God into a major player in my personal drama and thereby makes the horizontal domain the only relevant dimension of human existence. Its primary orientation is toward a nebulous future in a fantasized world, a construct that is about as disconnected from present experience of here and now as one could imagine. Getting to that other world demands right behavior and belief, the primary ingredients in the process of God pleasing. These are mediated through external authorities and achieved by rigid self-control. I can hardly imagine a better formula for radical disconnection. Through teachings such as these the spiritual impulse becomes a vehicle for entrapment, locking the seeker into the relatively empty virtual reality of the horizontal dimension. I’ve been there and did that, and I grieve for myself and all the countless others whose very search for God made access to the vertical dimension or Spirit and light so much harder than it needed to be. The very things that connect us, our passions, appetites, pleasures, emotion and curiosity were considered distractions at best and more likely sinful in the traditions that support the concept of God as other.

There are some basic ground rules for entering the vertical dimension. They are quite different from the “God” rules of religion. In the first place no supreme authority has dictated them. Nor does the divine punish or reward based upon whether they are followed or not. If they are followed, life becomes rich and meaningful. If not it becomes a charade, well intended and sincere perhaps, but nonetheless a drama constructed by my ego with a large supporting cast of other egos. Together they all try to persuade themselves that they will find meaning and happiness if they can just get their stories to come out right.

The rules for attaining the vertical are simple and almost self-explanatory once you let yourself think about it.

First, you must be open to becoming a bit of a hedonist. Remember Bagwhan Shree Rajneesh, a guru who was active in this country during the 80s and finally was banned from returning to the US. Apparently he scammed many of his followers due to his fondness for Rolls Royces and the like, and, even worse, forgot to appease the IRS god. As I recall, he preached a gospel of sensual connection and pleasure and drew a considerable following of intelligent people who felt he had something significant to say. Sadly, it seems he really didn’t get it. Greed, one of the leading hallmarks of horizontal living, did him in. An even more telling complaint against him, however, is that he was a lousy lover. In other words he apparently did not appreciate what it takes to be a fully present, embodied, sensually connected person. In the movie, Second Sight, Mira Sorvino tells her blind lover why he was so different from the other men she had known intimately. She said that when he touched her she could tell that it was not because he wanted something from her, but because he wanted to know her more deeply and this opened her heart to him.

A good hedonist is not about making conquests or accumulating points or stuff or even pleasures. All of that is a distraction from coming to know in depth whatever is in your hand in the moment. The greatest pleasure is found in setting aside my illusion of otherness and allowing myself to become immersed in my immediate experience. There is nothing more pleasing or meaningful than such timeless moments. If the other with which I am connecting is a person who welcomes my presence, the potential for communion and immersion in pure experience is greater than in almost any other context.

The light emanating from a peach or a cookie is quite wondrous. The longer I savor it, the longer I get to abide in the vertical domain. Questions about meaning never come to mind when I am giving my full attention to a tender, crunchy bite of oatmeal, raisin cookie. This is so much more the case when I am with another person. When I encounter another human being in a spirit of respect, empathy and compassion, the light that flows out of both of us and merges in our connection is orders of magnitude more intense and complex than in any other connection aside from the immediate experience of Being itself.

To enter the vertical dimension seek first joy and meaning and let your appetites, senses and emotions be major tools in this search. This demands that you do all in your power to stay as alert and aware as possible. Always remember that life giving, fulfilling awareness arises out of merging with the other. This merger cannot happen unless I approach the other with respect and an open heart free of any desire to dominate or harm. Once I move into a control oriented frame of mind I am back in the horizontal dimension. This may be necessary, but joy will not blossom there.

As in the world of horizontal religion, moral behavior is a requirement for anyone who would live in the vertical domain. The motives and standards however are completely different. In horizontal religion standards are imposed by an ultimate authority that must be pleased for the sake of eventual reward. Moral choice inspired by the perspective of vertical consciousness is driven by a willingness to identify with the other with whom I am interacting. By expanding my sense of self to include the other, the other’s welfare becomes a principal concern. The choices I make consequently tend to be altruistic and generous. There is no ultimate purpose or reward driving these choices. The joy of connecting and giving are quite enough reward. In the vertical, awareness and compassion drive morality, not preset rules or laws.

Ordinary religion is very concerned about saving the “soul.” This is a major motivation for moral behavior. Usually the soul is thought of as our essence and envisioned as a kind of ethereal substance or spirit that inhabits the body and goes on to a final reward or cleansing or even punishment after death. Seen through the eyes of a vertically oriented approach to life, soul in the religious sense is meaningless. My essential truth is that I am not a discrete entity designed to observe life and act on the world. I am an integral part of the greater whole. I am most fully myself and most fully alive when I acknowledge that reality experientially. Whether there is a thing called a soul that is some component of my overall being doesn’t matter very much. That I live soulfully, that is: kindly, intensely, with an open heart and a lusty embrace of life, is all that counts. This, which is the essence of living in the vertical dimension, is by far the best way that I as an embodied human being have for living out my true nature. Any belief that leads to a disembodied or disconnected vision of life is a soulless betrayal of the gift of existence.

My search for true spiritual depth and fulfillment, for a joyful, spirit filled, meaningful life is well served by enthusiastically embracing my body. This body with its senses, appetites, and emotions is an excellent instrument for connecting with life and existence. The light will shine only when I am plugged in!